I am so tired and its only Thursday!
I just want to collapse on my bed and not move.
How did I even get here?
To this point, where I feel like just giving up.
I can’t be the only one who has felt like this ?
I am just here lying down.
Thinking. Seriously thinking.
I know that when I usually feel like this it is something deeper than me just feeling tired but this time I can’t seem to put my finger on it.
So I am lying down.
Writing this on my phone in an attempt to comfort myself and rest my aching body.
I’m tired of all the feelings that have been running through me these last few days. I’ve been stressed, annoyed, hurt, lonely, sad and much more.
Sometimes I am not sure I am even doing this right. This thing we call life.
So many things this week have not worked out the way I had hoped. And when things go wrong you can’t help but look back and scrutinise everything. You ask yourself various questions? Was it your fault? Was someone else to blame or was it just not meant to be?
Lost in these questions, I slowly begin to realise that there is no point wishing I could go back and do things differently.
It just is!
I made the best decisions I could at that moment in time and with all the information that I had.
I was true to myself.
So what more can life ask of me?
In hindsight maybe I just needed to go for a walk.
You see walking and exercise have become important coping tools for the shit that life throws at me, and without them, I am completely lost. (Of course prayer helps me too but sometimes I am so lost I don’t even know what words to utter, than Thank You).
When I am walking or in the gym it allows me to create separation from the world that I desperately need.
Anyway I don’t even know what I am writing this for or how this is going to add any value to someone.
I just know that I needed to get it out, because there is no greater burden than carrying an untold story inside you – so I am sharing on Thursday 23rd June.
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