I had sex before marriage.
It wasn’t planned.
In fact, I always thought I would be the type of girl to wait. That I did! But obviously not long enough.
In hindsight, I am not sure I would I have done anything differently, even though on numerous occasions I have physically said I would.
I know deep down it was a decision that I consciously made.
You see I loved him, I mean I love him. And I think love is the most important thing in life. I am a Christian and my husband a Muslim, and albeit we did sleep together before we were married, we decided to start again and then wait until we got married, it was important to us both, which is another story altogether – maybe I will do a post about it, who knows?
But I can’t pretend that I see sex as ‘only in marriage’ act because that to me is disingenuous.
Sex can be a beautiful thing and although it can have emotional consequences, I know I did it when I was ready and when I knew what I wanted sex to mean to me.
That’s not to say that I am preaching sex before marriage, so please don’t insinuate that from my words.
Prior to my husband, I am sure I have mentioned in previous posts that I dated a guy for three years. Throughout those three years, I was cheated on.
The type of pain I experienced due to this situation is the type of pain that would make you wish you’d die or at least be terminally ill so that you could focus on something else. On someone else.
But I lived and I had no choice but to move through it, and so I did.
And I did it fucking courageously.
I allowed myself to walk into my suffering. I allowed myself to cry deeply. I allowed myself to feel anger and sadness. And alas I allowed myself to forgive him and hope for a love more evolutionary.
In hindsight, my broken heart was nothing more than the result of me placing myself in careless hands much too young, much too pure.
But I had to go through that to prepare me for the love that came next. It crafted me into the woman I am today and I swear if I didn’t experience this, I wouldn’t fully appreciate the man I have in my life now.
So yes, youth and my sisters, whom I have once told I wish I never went out with my ex, that’s a lie. I am glad I did.
I am also glad that I spent five of my most youthful (and maybe prominent) years in banking, albeit I hated it by the time I quit last year.
You see I wanted to be in banking. That was the dream. I don’t just mean a fleeting aspiration for a summer or two, no, no. This ambition stayed with me throughout my childhood and adolescence.
I distinctly remember scurrying along to secondary school and when asked about my goals, happily telling people about all the money I would be making by working in a bank. At a very young age, I already understood, more than that, I internalised that I never wanted to be broke and a ‘secure’ job in banking would ‘guarantee’ me this. I worked hard, very hard, and this work ethic has been something that I have been able to apply in my own pursuits – so I can no longer think of those five years as a waste.
We live in a world where it is unpopular to shout out about our regrets. Yeah we can sit here and pretend that secretly we all have our shit together because we don’t want people to see just how imperfect our lives are, but deep down we all have experienced things that make us who we are and sometimes we wouldn’t change that for the world.
And just as most of my posts are born out of me learning from my experiences, this is no exception, so I would love to hear about things you said you regret but actually don’t regret at all.
p.s this is number 4 ticked off my list
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