Like a lot of you I’ve been confronting so much this past month.
There’s been tears. There’s been prayers. There’s even been laughs; laughs at the irony of when we all said 2020 would be THE year.
I am not going to lie, sleeping at night has proved to be difficult thinking of the many people in this world who have been affected by Coronavirus.
My throat itches and I worry.
My son’s temperature goes up and I worry.
There are moments when my spirit sags. Moments when I feel tired after doing absolutely nothing. But how can we not? The world as it is today is foreign to us. It would be strange not to be shaken to our core.
I am fortunate to have work and be able to do this from home the last 4 weeks.
I’ve been on top of things, but it just feels like the stakes are higher, and I can imagine myself starting to overcompensate. It took the first week to find a rhythm and flow for being productive, and figure out how to keep work and leisure separate within one space, especially with a 2 year old.
Before that, there would be some days where I’d wake up, roll over, shoot off some morning emails before even brushing my teeth. And without a change of location after the close of the business day, it became easy to keep working well into the evening.
I then stopped. Took some time.
I can no longer imagine thinking of over-achieving, or of accomplishing more than usual, when all around you the world as you know it has changed, perhaps never to return to what it used to be.
I switch on the news, go on Instagram, look at my son and every day I am reminded of how fragile, how breakable we all are.…
The weight of this is dizzying.
And yet we must continue to go on day by day. We must choose to live. We must choose hope. And to do so we can set small goals. Like call loved ones – NOT text them, call them. Like drink more water, if you’ve spent the past five years wanting to be more hydrated. Like care of yourself, no matter how little (for example today for a very long time I shaved and it felt sooo good). Like share – an encouraging message, a book/film recommendation, a small cash transfer, or even a meme that will encourage laughter.
Now it might be a mistake for me to put this much of myself—all my emotions—out in the open, naked and exposed; objects at which the public can point and sneer, but I really do hate doing things by halves.
I believe in allowing myself to feel what I feel. I believe in truth. And the truth is, though – I don’t know how not to be honest in my writing or about how I feel. I have tried to, several times, and failed at it, several times. I can’t bite my tongue. If I feel shit, I feel shit. If I feel good, I feel good. If I am in love, I want to share that feeling with everyone. If my heart is broken, I want to share that with everyone too.
And this is a time to cope in the best way we can.
Sending everyone prayers and virtual hugs.