How Do You Feel?

My soul is made of words.

All the words I never spoke.

All the words I regret I ever spoke.

All the words I never got a chance to write.

All the words I could have written better.

The words that got lost inside my head, never to be retrieved.

I write because I can rarely make myself understood. I struggle to find the right words.

Maybe I never find them, because I’m afraid the person I’m telling them to won’t understand. Or care.

But when I write… that’s when I am free.

The world fades to nothing. I write, and I know that I am.

I write and I know that someone will understand. Someone will care.

It’s my own little way of changing the world.

But words can’t express what I have been feeling lately.

I feel unworthy.

I feel incapable at times.

I face this feeling when I write about serious topics. I question whether I’m qualified to write about certain subjects, conjuring a tornado of negative thoughts: I’m not perfect. I’m not worthy.

I could blame my upbringing for my psychological defect: I wasn’t encouraged to be more than I was; however, I clearly remember being told what I wasn’t.

I was told I wasn’t ‘creative’.

They said I was smart. But I wasn’t ‘creative’.

And I am not saintly enough (or, in truth, no saint at all) to sprinkle those dark thoughts with shiny peace dust and send them off with a blessing, but I am human enough to know I need to remove them from the immediate vicinity of my head.

That much is true.

Whenever I catch myself inside this whirlwind of negative thought, I recognise what I’m doing and redirect my self-talk toward a more positive direction.

Instead of what I’m not, I focus on what I am:

I am genuine
I am helpful
I am worthy

And I know that these traits are invaluable. That they are immeasurable.

Our level of self-worth is directly affected by the rules we’ve built for ourselves.

And most of our internal rules have been shaped by years of reinforcement. That doesn’t mean we must live by those rules for the rest of our lives, though. When we catch ourselves feeling unworthy, we should look for the thoughts we’ve established that makes us feel this way.

Regardless of what we’ve done in our pasts, we still get to decide our own levels of self-worth based on the rules we’ve established. As long as you are living up to those rules, you are worthy.

Lets make this week a good one 🙂

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