Being vulnerable on social media not only exposes you to strangers but to people you know who can directly wound and stab you in your personal life and in your personal circles.
People will hold things against you, belittle you when it helps defend their interest, and just flat out make you feel pathetic.
And in a way I do feel pathetic when opening up about my wounds, there’s always a place inside of me that is screaming out for me to close up and remain an impenetrable vault. That part of me worries about the thoughts of strangers, family, friends, and past colleagues.
And the absolute last thing I want someone to feel for me is “pity” the thought of it disgusts me. To be seen as weak, what a gut wrenching feeling that is. But here is the truth – I am a deeply scarred woman – a deeply hurting human – a wounded spirit – tearing at the seams of truth to find an antidote to relieve this feeling inside me. The feeling of the human condition. This challenge. This exhausting spiritual journey. I am so exhausted.
Sometimes I fantasise about giving in to the earth, the sky, the wind, the fire. I take two steps back and focus on my breath. I keep breathing deeply until I can see once again the miracle within the life flowing through my body, and I hold on as tight as I possibly can with a broken smile and a heart full of hope and faith.
Please keep fighting through your depression, your sadness, and all the life threatening thoughts.
Keep fighting for you, for us, we all need each other, and we all need to continue to declare our stories with courage, to let it out, and to release.
A weird one I know, but that’s all I have.