I have so many thoughts in my head and the only way I can deal with them is by writing.
Most times I can’t even talk about these thoughts to ‘people’ because honestly, I feel like I am dealing with them by myself.
Lately, I have been so insecure in my body. Nothing seems to look right or even feel right and on the rare occasions I do feel good, I only have to take a picture and see what I really look like and then it’s back to reality.
It’s funny because when I am writing this I know that I am still not over these feelings but it feels kind of good to know that I am documenting this to read sometime in the future.
As women, it’s inevitable that our bodies will change, but when it does change I don’t think we’re quite ready for it. I know I wasn’t.
I was about 20 years old when I started to notice these changes. My lifestyle hadn’t changed, my eating habits were exactly the same but for some weird reason, it started to take a toll on my size 6/8 frame. I became bigger, I inherited thighs,a butt, my face is a bit rounder than preferred, my breasts were fuller and my toned stomach was near enough non-existent. Being two years from 30, my metabolism has definitely slowed down.
I wasn’t used to carrying the extra weight but I forced myself to get over it because I had no other choice, plus Suli thought the weight looked good on me. Even though deep down though it pissed me off that I weighed more than I wanted to weigh.
But even then, at that point of not being happy with my weight, I still genuinely believed I was beautiful.
Because beauty for me is, frankly everything. And it has no particular form, it has no particular shape. Simply because I have always grown up with the belief that God doesn’t make ugly people so that has sort stuck with me my whole life.
I know for some, this sometimes it’s a hard phenomenon to accept and at times even I have trouble believing this, especially now more than ever, hence these thoughts. But it’s true. It has to be true.
Like no matter what decade it is, every body type has its own beauty, and we can’t sit around waiting for our bodies to be validated by a trend… It’s up to us to find assurance within ourselves and it’s up to us to define our own ideals and make them a reality. It’s up to us to stop all the self-criticism and judgement. It’s up to us to find our own beauty and ignore the rest.
And in case you think this post was written for just you, it wasn’t. It was written for me. While I do work out I am not in the shape that I want to be. I am 75kgs. So this post is for the days when I am feeling heavier than normal, or the days when I look like the fat friend in the picture or even for the good days too. Beauty is more than appearance. And I know this isn’t the usual time I post, mainly because I have found it hard to write this but because I don’t want many people to read it either 🙂
Hope you guys had a good day, though.
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