From an early age, we are taught to trust in only what we can see, smell, touch or taste. But just because we can’t see something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, right?
Last week was like any other week; I spent the majority of my time slouched over my desk at home; writing or planning.
When you’re a freelancer you work non-stop, especially when things are going well – so it can be pretty exhausting.
We had booked to go to dinner at a friend of ours to have Shabbat with them and their children. Just to note, I am the sort of person who rarely feels like leaving their house especially in the middle of a creative writing session. Nonetheless, I did. And, as usual, there were no regrets about doing so. We got to spend time with our friends, eat a lovely dinner and catch up with their friends too. Everyone was all smiles and it genuinely felt effortless.
We went round the table to say what our most meaningful moment of that week was and why. Despite the fact that I love to share, I always get nervous doing things like this as I know my week is pretty much the same, week in week out so I was fearful that my life might look a bit mundane compared to the rest of the guests.
If you remember early on, I had said all the guests looked like they were in good spirits which was warming. At least that was what I thought until we went around the table to answer the question, that one guest revealed she had a very tough week as it was the anniversary of the death of her dad. She described how this same week every year since her dad died was tough for her, but this year she had her fiancé to support and help her. I couldn’t help but cry as it made me feel some type of way.
Anyway, let me get straight to the point so you understand where I am going with this if I haven’t lost you already.
I am human.
We are all human (I think).
And sometimes it is a difficult predicament to be a human being.
Things happen that are absolutely disastrous and disappointing. Sometimes WE ourselves are the disappointing disaster. You know this already, right? We try, we try, we try…and still sometimes, we feel as though we have failed at some vital mission in life.
This dinner on some levels made me realise that ‘the strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about’. It kind of made me sad because when this guest was speaking, I immediately thought of my friends.
Because I genuinely believe that people have learned to alter their apparent moods. We try to stick with the positive and public parts of our demeanour regardless of what we’re going through on the inside. I mean no one wants to bring others down, even if that means hiding how he or she is truly feeling – right?
But it isn’t right, is it?
I know I am not always up. Sometimes I am down. And I never ever want to conceive the idea that I am happy all the time, that life is easy when it isn’t. But I know sometimes I do, and the vulnerability that this guest showed, made me think that if sometimes I put on a ‘façade’ that everything is well, surely my friends must do the same as well?
For it a minute, it made me feel like a bad friend because I know there must be times when I haven’t taken the time to look at these wounds.
So you see, this is me opening the dialogue because I know that if you want to be close to someone you should share.
We should be vulnerable and talk about the things that make us cry, the things that make us laugh, the things that make us scared. Rather than wasting time having surface level conversations (“How’s work? How’s your husband? And so forth), that do nothing to nourish our friendships.
I know as women we are brought up not to show our weakness to other people, particularly other women. But when things go wrong, a man can tell you that everything is going to be ok, but not like a woman can.
Now your turn…….
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