I sit here with a pen in my hand.
Travelling back in time and going to the place where I fell in love.
My heart is always so much fuller when I go back to this place.
But here’s what I catch myself thinking about on the way back to the past;
When would the day come where I wouldn’t have to work so hard?
How would that day look, taste and smell like?
What part of the world would I be in when that day comes?
Would I be happy when that day comes?
This is what tends to happen to me when I have a long train journey.
My mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes along with the thinking.
The other problem with all this swinging through the vines of thought is that we are never where we are.
We are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do we rest in this moment. For example at that moment in time, I wasn’t on the train.
So finally noticing this train of thought, I was aghast.
Here you are on a train in the middle of the afternoon, on a Tuesday. And instead of appreciating how significantly your life is going in the direction you had always wanted it to go, you’re complaining that you aren’t there yet.
I was being ungrateful when I had everything to be grateful for.
I was on a train journey in the middle of the afternoon on a TUESDAY!
A journey I wanted to take to a place I wanted to go. I should be happy about this right? Back in the day a typical Tuesday afternoon constituted of me sitting at my desk probably doing something I didn’t want to do.
How times have changed!
I guess I just wanted to remind myself of this difference, so I could be aware of more differences in the future and show gratitude for change.
Because there is always a gap (small or large) between where we are and where we would like to be.
The gap is filled with excuses. You don’t have to stop the excuses. It’s hard to do that. Just notice them. Say, “it’s ok. These are just excuses. Eventually I won’t have them.”
Because you see the thing about destiny, it’s a relationship – a play between divine grace and willful self-effort – so here’s to me trying more and more and having faith that one day me and destiny will see our relationship to the end 🙂
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