Sat between her legs on a Tuesday night; she’s braiding my hair, and I’m resting my head on her thigh – this is the closest I have felt to my mum for a very long time.
It made me miss the moments I used to live at home; when life was a little less ‘complicated’.
I distinctively remember the times when I used to crawl right beside her and snuggle under her duvet. When I was in her bed, there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be. In my mind, her bed was the safest place that existed on this earth. It still is for me. It made me feel like no matter what happened, everything would be ok.
Wow just even re-reading this, takes me back to that place and makes me smile.
Whilst she was braiding my hair, she was giving me the latest family gist. She does this to while away time, simply because she doesn’t enjoy doing my hair. In fact, no one in my family enjoys doing my hair but that’s a whole different story altogether.
We spoke about everything and nothing. My mum was gisting to me and telling me her woes, which is always exhausting to hear but if I don’t sit and listen to them who else will?
You see my mum has been a single mother for the last 12 years (damn that’s a really long time when I think about it) and she makes a point of continually letting us all know that she has never really had time for friends in between raising us. Her time was so precious so she didn’t waste any. Even her sentences had the stench of ‘motherhood’ upon them. She just gets straight to the point.
So I, along with my siblings, have come to accept that role, albeit at times it is not healthy, I’d be the first to admit, I don’t mind too tough.
Randomly in our conversation, she said out loud,” I am a good mother you know, a very good mother”. If I didn’t know her, I would think she was crazy, as it literally came out of nowhere.
But from the way she said it, it was as if she was waiting for me to reassure of this fact, which of course I did almost immediately because in that rare moment she chose to be vulnerable to me and it was beautiful.
It wasn’t until I got home that day, and thought to myself that I had never reassured of her of this fact. I am not sure why exactly, but it’d be naïve to think that saying this is in a mother’s day card vs saying it out loud is the same thing.
And although I am not yet a mother, I can only imagine how good it feels to know your children think you’re doing a good job.
Yes, I know it’s not mother’s day, but there is something glorious in recognising you have a good mother, and for me, it is really only just dawning on me. So you don’t have to understand this post, you’re not meant to get everything, but you do get all of me –unfiltered, and you have to accept that without judgment and fear.
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