Fear runs our lives. It doesn’t matter who you are.
You have to understand your relationship with fear.
Whether you’re scared of getting into a relationship; or taking the new job; or a confrontation – you have to size fear up.
And I can be such a pussy when it comes to confrontation. I’d just thought that I’d get that out there right at the outset.
I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation because I have a pathological fear of it.
I mean, I don’t fear confrontation in itself, what I actually fear is appearing ‘too confrontational’ and thus looking like the ‘bad person’. I have just always had this obsession of being the nice one and I didn’t want anything to ruin that image.
Raise your hands if you can relate to this.
So it’s not just me who has an issue with confrontation!
I’ve never enjoyed difficult conversations, I’d much prefer to avoid them altogether. First of all it takes too much energy and secondly someone always somehow ends up upset. This person is usually me!
The truth is, however, confrontation is necessary. The longer you wait to confront, the harder it is. Plus it’s rarely as bad as you think it is especially if you truly care about the person you’re confronting.
My husband has taught me that the only way an outcome can be changed is by speaking up, otherwise people tend to take advantage when you appear too nonchalant. Something that has happened to me time and time again.
I am not saying one should be confrontational about everything. No. I just think it is important to check in with yourself and your feelings now and again, in order to understand if a ‘difficult’ conversation is needed to be had.
Confrontation should not be about evening the score, or putting someone in their place. That is revenge.
It should be about looking at issues and solving problems. Nothing ever changes for the better unless opposing parties come together and discuss the situation and solutions. I have learned the hard way that when confronting someone that I care about, it is so important to express the problem in a clear, calm way, without blaming the other person otherwise the person would just see it as an assault.
This is easier said than done but I guess the more you practice, the easier it gets to confront and to receive confrontation.
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